Lifeless Exsistance

I'm completely Alone.

Rephrase that: I'm completely Lonely.

I'm never alone, I know that Jesus is always here with me. But I'm always lonely.
There is no one to talk to. No one to have a serious conversation with.
No one to laugh with.
No one to cry with.
Truely Lonely.

I find myself to be a sad example of a Christian.

People are suppose to peer into my life, and see all these wonderful changes. This over-whelming love, and grace, that God has provided me with.

But I know, that all they see is a quiet, depressed girl. Who wonders through halls, with a heart that is crying. Who doesn't speak, even if spoken to, because words refuse to come from her mouth. No matter how much she wants to be noticed. To talk to someone.

A mess.

Just another teenage girl, who's life is a mess.

I don't even stress over love, and boys and all that "teenage girl non-sense".
The hurts in my life, are so real. So real I don't feel like I have time for love.

But I'm still so very lonely. No friends. Abandoned due to beliefs.

Hated, I guess for my personality--what else could it be?

Constantly falling away from the one person who could actually save me. The only person who knows me from the inside out. And still...I try to fix it on my own.

What kind of example is that?

A poor one for sure.

Maybe I should just back off. Maybe..I should stop telling people that Jesus changed my life. Because at this point...it's only getting worse. And I don't want them to see that.