I'll be the Death of Me.

I'm so tired, so frustrated.

Life is tough, ya know?

I mean, I have no friends right now. And I know that sounds cliche, but it's the truth.

I've got some random peeps at church I can talk to, but I don't see those people but once or twice a week. And that's not really the kind of friend I need.

My buddies at school don't ever talk to me. There's no use in me trying to start conversations, because they ignore me.

My "best friend", whom I use to call all the time and talk to about God, is now annoyed with me, and won't talk to me about God. If I get anything out of her she says "This may sound harsh, but get over it. Put ALL your faith in God, and get over it. It's not as hard as you're making it."

That, or if I'm asking a question that she doesn't understand, or can't answer, she says "Don't worry about that! Why do you have to question everything. Just know that God loves you, and he's all you need...that's all you need to know!"

I ask questions for this reason: In order to put your faith into someone not seen, don't you have to understand their character? I can't just say "Oh, that one God, who loves me. Yea, I put my faith in him." I have to know something about Him, and about the things He's done to reveal himself... in order to do that, I'm gonna have to ask some tough questions.

And if I keep getting shut down, that's just going to discourage me from trying to learn more about God.

I wish there was so way I could tell her this, but I'd only get mad at myself, and reject God more, because I know it would hurt her feelings.


Welcome to the Life of me.

I'll put myself in a position of being miserable, just because I'm scared to make people second guess themselves.

I messed up and posted a note about how people in general were ignoring me, and it seemed like no one had time for me... And someone took it personally..

I felt horrible when he apoligized several times... it just killed me to think that he thought I was only talking about him.


I'm still beating myself up over that one..




The Life of Me. :(

Depression Plan 101

So like, I'll keep this short and simple.

I am usually depressed.

I hate being depressed.

I hold out until Wednesday, where I'm magically happy (Cause i find Jesus again).

But, I'm sick of repeating this.

Depressed all week, happy after wednesday, depression creeps back, go to church on wednesday, I'm happy again, just to turn around and be depressed again.

So I was thinkin, Shoot, if God changes people, and changes lives, what says that this behavior should keep repeating?!

So like, it's official. Amber Danielle King shall be depressed nevermore.

All i have to do, is to stay away from depressing situations. Turn to God when times do get tough, and always look on the bright side of things.

I've successfully made it through a week, without depression.

In face, by this time, I'm usually sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for church, so I can be happy again. But this week, it's like "eh, church, God, yay. I've had God all week, what else is new?"

It's really amazing. I wish I could explain it more.

But I really think I can do this.

I really do.

It'll be tough, and I'll need some good friends, and peeps to talk to, but I really feel like I can make it. [With God's help of course].

Well..I guess this wasn't as short as I meant. Sorry!

Much Love!

And God Bless!

Lifeless Exsistance

I'm completely Alone.

Rephrase that: I'm completely Lonely.

I'm never alone, I know that Jesus is always here with me. But I'm always lonely.
There is no one to talk to. No one to have a serious conversation with.
No one to laugh with.
No one to cry with.
Truely Lonely.

I find myself to be a sad example of a Christian.

People are suppose to peer into my life, and see all these wonderful changes. This over-whelming love, and grace, that God has provided me with.

But I know, that all they see is a quiet, depressed girl. Who wonders through halls, with a heart that is crying. Who doesn't speak, even if spoken to, because words refuse to come from her mouth. No matter how much she wants to be noticed. To talk to someone.

A mess.

Just another teenage girl, who's life is a mess.

I don't even stress over love, and boys and all that "teenage girl non-sense".
The hurts in my life, are so real. So real I don't feel like I have time for love.

But I'm still so very lonely. No friends. Abandoned due to beliefs.

Hated, I guess for my personality--what else could it be?

Constantly falling away from the one person who could actually save me. The only person who knows me from the inside out. And still...I try to fix it on my own.

What kind of example is that?

A poor one for sure.

Maybe I should just back off. Maybe..I should stop telling people that Jesus changed my life. Because at this point...it's only getting worse. And I don't want them to see that.

God is Ama-za-zing.

For those of you who didn't already know...God is Ama-za-zing.
That means, He's so amazing, we couldn't fit it into 2 syllables. so we gave Him 3.
Hense: Ama-za-zing.

He's doing some amazing things right now. Here are just a few!!!!

1) Some kids have stepped up, and started praying in all the lunch hours at school, and totally inviting others to join in! Amazing!!!!!!!!

2) Volleyball teams at Buffalo High, are now praying before every game. We don't pray to win, we pray to glorfy God. Because it doesn't matter what the score is at the end of the game. All the matters it the effort, and the love that is put into the game.

3) Amazing bible study opportunities! Talk to me about it if you're interested! Good fellowship, lots of love, and comfort to spare!

4) Awesome worship stuff going on at Church. Lots of love, lots of fellowship, lots of good ole God praising fun!

5) 180. Ask me about it. I dare you. ;)

Anyway, God is amazing. those are just some of the major changes going on right now. I won't even go into the amazing personal gains that He's given me in just the past week! :)

Just remember, Pray, Love, and Praise. It's all good. We'll call it the PLP for now. :) ha ha.

180. Subliminal Messaging. Good stuff.

So have an amazing week! And remember to leave room for Jesus! Cause He's got his own brand of cool! :)

One 80.

Check this out peeps.

http://www.180cc.org/ Totally worth it.

Later.
Keep it real.