I'll be the Death of Me.

I'm so tired, so frustrated.

Life is tough, ya know?

I mean, I have no friends right now. And I know that sounds cliche, but it's the truth.

I've got some random peeps at church I can talk to, but I don't see those people but once or twice a week. And that's not really the kind of friend I need.

My buddies at school don't ever talk to me. There's no use in me trying to start conversations, because they ignore me.

My "best friend", whom I use to call all the time and talk to about God, is now annoyed with me, and won't talk to me about God. If I get anything out of her she says "This may sound harsh, but get over it. Put ALL your faith in God, and get over it. It's not as hard as you're making it."

That, or if I'm asking a question that she doesn't understand, or can't answer, she says "Don't worry about that! Why do you have to question everything. Just know that God loves you, and he's all you need...that's all you need to know!"

I ask questions for this reason: In order to put your faith into someone not seen, don't you have to understand their character? I can't just say "Oh, that one God, who loves me. Yea, I put my faith in him." I have to know something about Him, and about the things He's done to reveal himself... in order to do that, I'm gonna have to ask some tough questions.

And if I keep getting shut down, that's just going to discourage me from trying to learn more about God.

I wish there was so way I could tell her this, but I'd only get mad at myself, and reject God more, because I know it would hurt her feelings.


Welcome to the Life of me.

I'll put myself in a position of being miserable, just because I'm scared to make people second guess themselves.

I messed up and posted a note about how people in general were ignoring me, and it seemed like no one had time for me... And someone took it personally..

I felt horrible when he apoligized several times... it just killed me to think that he thought I was only talking about him.


I'm still beating myself up over that one..




The Life of Me. :(